I remember being young and staring up at the damn thing. Waves of nervousness and excitement lurked around me as family and friends lined up against the fence to watch a buddy or relative take the dive. I remember the envy my heart would feel for those who were free enough, brave enough. Strapped, hopefully tightly enough, without any guarantee, they began to rise inside the crate. I would tell myself a million excuses why it was not reasonable to do it. I justified being on the side lines, not being willing to live on the edge just yet. When they jumped and screamed horror, then joy and estatic release, I promised myself, one day, that was going to be me. It never made sense, and for years I'd never had the guts to, but, 'one day,' kept the door open just enough...
Now...I've done it.
I was visiting a friend from my hometown, and she came up with the idea. She was seeking a declaration of independence of some sort and wanted someone to come along. Nothing inside of me said no. Nothing in me jumped or screamed excitement. When we finally got to the Island where the bungee jumping was located, we stared at the tall crate, with no one inside, or lined up to be next. My heart beat fast, my mind mumbled some quick nonsense, but deep inside, I felt steady.
As I was getting strapped for the jump, I continued to observe my body, and the layers of reaction occurring. I could see, vividly, that if I attached to the emotions, gave a thought too much power, this would not happen. When I walked into the crate and it began to rise, the mind began to scream. Sensory perception was at a heightened state. When the crate rose to full height I looked around at the hotels, the lights, the pitch black sea, and starry skies. The guy behind me holding me then said: "I am going to open the clip and let you go. All you have to do is point your hands in front of you and follow them down. Don't think. Just Go." And here the hesitation and emotions were so explosive, I felt I was about to burst. I motioned to put my hands in front of me, as my mind resisted loundly, and followed them all the way down....
I began to fall. In this split second, the beauty of releasing myself from the grips of mind, sent a incredible amount of euphoria down my entire body. Release. It was full release. And after that my body jerked around following an oversized elastic rubber band around. It mirrored the surrender in the shift, so closely, so acutely. I just let go.
I wanted to fall longer. I wished there was no straps holding me. That too...mirrored the shift, since..it seemed right when I was breaking through, I was getting pulled back.
It was funny to think that while people do this temporarily, for a adrenal rush, or a temporary high...this is the way I'd been living my life.
Not all of life, if there is any intention for it to lived for an extended period of time, can be lived this way. But when the opportunity arises...I know not to think..and just jump.
Right now, is one of those moments. Time to dive out of the crate, and let myself fall.
