Embodiment

Yesterday, I had a fabulous massage. The appointment was made with a woman who had given me a massage 4 years ago, about a week after the Shift. The first time we met, I was purging out a lot of emotions, and the body, felt tied in energetic knots. The emotional roller coaster was filled with loops and high rises. I couldn't identify the source of it, in terms of specific events, but it felt as a wave of baggage being released all at once. She was aware of the body being more than what is manifested physically, and seemed very in tune with working with the body as energy, which was a wonderful synchronous detail.

At the time I was in a state of deep detachment. I had axed my old self, and all it's false crevices. I took the journey of non duality extremely personal. I did not know what it was to get beyond myself directly, but had full willingness to deliver whatever the cost to no longer see in delusion. I used the non dual philosophy and David's writings to face every fear, every hesitation, to tear down every wall that was in the way. Not an escapism, but a period in my life, where I was no longer going to run from anything any more.

One of the biggest fears was not existing. Intentionally causing my own death through a existential crisis, but near the Shift, that was faced, and I felt fully ready to let it all go. All of it. I didn't know what I was, but I felt to be living everyday in what I was not, and it was constant torture. Especially when, IT felt so close. The other side.

After the Shift, I was surprised to still be here. I, Sharon, the entity. Yet, when I looked in the mirror, I did not recognize myself. Inside I felt empty, like I had pressed the reset button on myself, and had just rebooted. What was gone was the fear. Absolutely no fear. No thoughts.

I would walk around town in amazement to the untainted view. More color, vibrancy. Internally all the behavioral habits, mental notions and beliefs were gone. I believed nothing, judged nothing. All around me was the same external circumstances with an entirely different perception of it.

Then the weight of the world came in. It was as if a glimpse of liberation was experienced and then was thrown into the purging of all that had been me at one time. It was intense to say the least, but the knowing never left, never faded. Now I could work through it all with a foundation, a ground to stand on. One question puzzled me only, 'Why was 'I' still here?

When I received a massage four years ago, it was releasing the old pains and fears that needed to be purged to regain Pure Being. It was a HUGE release of all the emotional weight I was carrying. When Kathy, walked out the door, she embraced me is a warm deep hug, and said 'The Love you seek does exist'.

I was puzzled when I had first heard this. 'I' was beyond Love. 'I' was no longer to meddle with such things if the intent was to get beyond all this. Love had always been a fleeting experience in my life. I'd watched people never attempt to honestly love their entire lives and justify it. I was done with that.

Now four years later, here I am about to get a massage again, and I sit in my living room realizing that the love I was seeking does exist. When she arrived, she walked through the door, and as she was getting settled, I said to her, "You know, four years ago, you gave me a massage, and when you left, you embraced me and said, 'The Love you seek does exist', and I wanted to tell you that you are right, I found it.' She sat on my couch, stared at the trees I had painted on the wall, and said 'Yes, I can feel it.'

Although my husband, Josh, and my daughter Maya, are portals of Love in my life, and have taught me much of it's workings, I was not referring to the love of falling in love with a person, or a thing, or a place of any kind. After much time and intent and purging, I had tapped into a current, a force, that arose as the place from where all things arise. It's subtle most of the time, so subtle, that it is clear why it is so easy to miss for those who do not take the time to sit in it's simplicity. It was from the practice of sitting with this current, allowing it to guide the way, that the story continued to unfold, in a completely different perception of life than before. For in this current, there was no resistance, no fear. It was what knew all things, and offered timely wisdom. It was subtle, but constant. And it's consistency, is what made all the difference.

Yesterday, when I received a massage, it was not one of release, but of a final integration. Enough had been purged. I was empty enough to let this current flow without resistance. Not an millimeter or quantum particle of me resisted. I allowed it to engulf me, embody me.

At one point during the massage, she requested that I love myself, and embrace every inch. In my attempt to do that, what arose was, that I had always felt too big for this body energetically. Like all that I am could not fit here, in this body of current residence. After I said that, the following words arose within, 'It's ok, it is safe here, come home.'

In realization, it arose that I had walked away from being an identity to dismantle old ways, old belief systems. I had emptied myself out, cleared the clutter, but I had not come back home. Now was the time.

In this moment, I felt every inch of me filled with the current. I felt whole, steady. I was as everything else, a part of this universe. One and All. I was home for IT, and IT was home for me. Full merge.

I have never come out of a massage, so awake, so present, so strong. 'I am HERE!' resonated within.

It feels good to be home.